i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
