i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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