She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
