We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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