His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
