I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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