You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
