HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
