If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
