tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
