Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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