i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
