how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
