what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this will be a night to untag.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
