Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
