so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
