don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
