you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
