I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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