I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
