if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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