the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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