You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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