He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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