Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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