The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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