I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
