I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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