the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
