$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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