Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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