i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
