Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize