hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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