I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
