I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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