Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
