i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
