Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
