One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
