You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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