Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
