So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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