I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
