The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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