Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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