When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
