i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
