Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
