if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
