considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
