Whod you bang
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
