Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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