Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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