do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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