Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
