You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
