my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
