In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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