Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found puke in my bra..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
