Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother