So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How many fucks given?