ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"