I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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