God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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