We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
