So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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