Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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