There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
