she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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