I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
