and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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