just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
