you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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