the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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