She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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