Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
